Struggle for survival….A lazy dog

Sunday! Pretty much boring Sunday ever in my life :(

From last one week coz of the grace or mercy of Sukanya (scared to comment); grace coz we keep watching good old movies and mercy coz she is letting me to sleep at-least for few hours. I have given new name to my comp that’s “TV” now-a-days we only use it to watch movies, not really… ;) it’s my best companion.

Saturday night she made me to watch “Balondu Bhava geethe” good old Kannada movie. It’s actually a pretty much tragic story but we felt/made quite a lot fun out of it and truly enjoyed. By the time I crashed on my bed it was 0100 hrs, early morning guess so.

No power for whole day, and I was given with the contract of applying mehandi to Sukanya and even myself only day we pamper ourselves. End result my head started hurting pretty badly coz of lack of power, water I could not wash my head till late evening. Even I could not loaf around as well. What a sick day…!!!

A puppy! not really it was grown big enough, got stuck in our chajja in first floor. So many of us tried to help him to get-out of it, but it was so lazy to put even nil efforts.With mercy of few gals it got food all day. Finally everyone got bugged up and cursed it for not willing to give an attempt and got into their regular Sunday job. PG will be a more or less a beauty clinic on Sunday’s.

I got frustrated by evening and thought let me deal with dog, to know what exactly its probs…is? I took all the pain to get inside the garage to find wooden planks, so that it may help dog to come out. But when I placed wooden planks in chajja in a way to connect a bridge to balcony, our duffer went to the other corner to hide as though I am gonna torture him… Idiot or may be was challenging me! Catch me if you can…?

But @ around 2110 hrs it tried by its own and ultimately came out with the help of wooden planks. I was quite happy to know that my efforts didn’t go in vain. It only came out when it started drizzling; all I have learnt even from lazy dog is “struggle for survival…”

U only can survive, if you can help yourself…

Stepped into another phase of life....

Circumstances keep changing….,

Decisions keep you regretting….,

Past keeps you hurting….,

Future keeps you scaring…, but Life keeps moving…

Yes I stepped into another phase of my life i.e, Insecurity…

I started feeling very much insecure now-a-days…

Insecure about myself, insecure about life, I Think/Rethink, has I given too much of thought for life or have I expected too much out of Life….which is creating emotions of insecurity. Insecurity is turning me into someone, I am really not.

I know of the "presenting problem" on the surface; but what is the root problem, what's at the bottom of it all? Maybe I don't know; maybe I do, but it's too frightening to look at it, or to talk about it with someone else. Discussed with Siri, she said don’t give too much of thought, alas thoughts are not under my control. Tried reaching couple of friends of same age band to know have they anytime/all-time come across such questions within themselves..? As usual I couldn’t reach any of them when I will be in need, which in turn created insecurity about friends. However Insecurity is not an objective evaluation of one's ability but an emotional justification. After all, as usual I wouldn't want anyone else to know about where I hurt..?

I presume that I am not the only one who is going thro’ a phase of feeling…..Insecurity

Thursday night...

We’ve had heard people celebrating Friday night’s, but Thursday night!!!

11th June, quite ordinary day with very much boring routine life. Get-up early in the morning @ 0008 hrs, fresh-up, dress-up & rush to office. No!!! Again in office look @ the very same boring faces :( Gani plz add some color to my life with some interesting faces around me ;) u listening???

It was somewhat special day for Gani coz it was “Sankashti”. Sankashti-Chaturthi as in “Kashtagalannella parihara maado Gani – English version Gani plz liberate me from all turmoil’s” as per my understandings. As per Google “The person who does Sankashti-Chaturthi (do fasting till the moon-rise and then eat the food, however all day I eat fruits, some times chocolates,Chikki's,Ice-creams, drink Juice/Coffee/Chai it depends on individual capacity u see ;) & even I don’t see any set of laws ) will collect lot of virtues. After the death that person goes to Swanand-loka and the rebirth of that person stops. There is a belief in Hinduism that a person takes seven births before gets 'Moksha' (becomes free, there is no rebirth afterwards)” whatever even I don’t wish to be reborn in this world again. One life very much loyal to it! In other words, emotionally and intellectually honest...

Unfortunately this time I broke the fast in the morning itself coz I wasn’t aware of it :( though Mom has sent Calendar, as we don’t have any wall nails in the room to hang it on, and even we failed to hammer iron nails into the wall, so it will be lying @ some corner in the rack. The actual reason is the other day coz of my tantrums I got one or two warnings from Poori and I was trying to blackmail her emotionally, occupying myself to some corner of bed not talking to her, hugging my spare pillow as we don’t have individual rooms in PG :( which I am well known to do @ home when I was very little not exactly even today I do.

A little Lizard was resting in that pillow I believe, when I was crushing and rolling over the pillow, it got hurt and jumped out to rescue its life. Sad part is it jumped on my right hand. Many of us believe that its sign of bad luck/good luck and especially people like me! so biased by life’s curve balls. That was the time we were looking for our calendar coz on the backside of most calendar’s they give sufficient info about such crap.Unfortunately it said when Lizard falls on female’s right hand - bad luck for 1 year. I really don’t know why I became so emotional and without my knowledge tears started rolling down my cheeks may be thinking I still have to struggle for one more year something like pain forever. However I believe no point in burdening your memory with non-essentials. Poori made her honest attempts to wipe away those tears. Soon we got into debate against Hindu superstitions stating its all bullshit. After a while Poori jumped towards me and said holding my hand “I have touched golden lizard in kanchi kamakshi temple @ Kanchipuram (city of temples), Tamil nadu”, so if you touch me the evil effects will get vanished. I was laughing @ her, how hard we try to convince our heart against reality…Isn’t it..?

Outcome of this Lizard story is that I missed Sankashti-Chaturthi coz Calendar was mislaid. Now Gani must be furious about me and will show all his talents on me, soon you guys will get to know the consequences :( something like

“The person whom you trust the most is the one who is gonna hurt you the most...”
whatever! Every thing is pre-written nothing can be re-written…

Poori tried reaching me to convey the message about Sankashti by then I already had my first bite of breakfast. So Poori doesn’t have any opponent to impress Gani...

Normally people break fast with Milk, Fruits or Prasadam. However Poori does with Samosa, Jalebi, Kachori! Of course Jalebi was my quaish… Though we have so many temples nearby, she prefers to go to 1st block, Koramangala the only reason being “Saraswathi Bakery”. But chats are really awesome... ;)

At around @ 2130 hrs we three having Samosa with Pudina/Tamarind chatni… Jalebi… Funny thing is we tried Mango with Pudina/Tamarind chatni…sounds yuck but tastes yummy… all the three of us were feeling very much tired and a thought waved in our brain was Head massage! I did for Poori & Sukanya and Sukanya to me….

Later we thought to do something to our faces as well coz someone had passed comments that we look ABC as in Age Bar Candidate… being in mid-twenties. (Now-a-days almost everyone comments only intention is to convey the direct message indirectly i.e., to get married) We applied Dhathri fairness face pack here is how we look, so gorgeous… are we not…?

Me, Poori & Sukanya

In recent times Lizard flew on Poori’s left foot & as per our calendar seer, she will gain some money, unfortunately she lost Rs.1000/- Dunno what to say now…? However Lizard is quite innocent in this case she was careless and without inspecting, she threw envelop into dustbin in which she had kept money…

One more fable, Don’t make an assumption that this is an ordinary sweet…The other day Poori was attending reception of her colleague and I demanded sweet provided it must be from the wedding hall ;) ….You believe it or not she is such a sweetheart, she flicked it for me…Sorry dear I just was kidding never thought you mind it so seriously… Though she commented I have gone nuts or whatever! Phir bhi Mein ne tumhe maaf kar diya hain beta ;) Bade Dilwale…

Love....

Comes what May!
Keep your capacity to love alive!
Coz love is living!
Love is a river!
Do not close its embankments!
It will flood!
Let the river of love flow!
Forever and ever from your heart!
Or else it will flood through your eyes!

Rain Rain Don’t Go Away

Inspired by today's rain….

I thought Rain Raja has listened to my heart and brought a much-awaited rain on Sunday. It started to drizzle while I was on my way to PG after little shopping. Once I reached PG threw all stuffs & I took a little "Get out of the room" trip to terrace to douse in the rain. It's amazing to watch rain shower when few drops of water falling off from somewhere & die away when touches the ground… I take pleasure in when thousands of rain drops hugs me with immense love and affection though I miss some trillions ;). Thought of calling few gals in the PG who were busy watching some crap movie in Sony channel. Didn’t dare to coz I was little worried if they entitle me as some kinda crack to intentionally get drenched in the rain. Everyone is a little crazy in their own way.

I locked myself in the open terrace for 35 mins @ around 1635 hrs. All alone I blossomed in the rain garden like Adenium (desert rose) - very rare desert flower ;)

Our back yard looks like a little jungle because it’s densely populated with so many trees. I saw a minuscule Jog falls akin to Jog Falls situated amidst dense forests of Western Ghats. River Sharavathi which makes the falls from a height of 830 feet most spectacular to watch. River Sharavathi moves on and joins the Arabian Sea at Honnavar. And jog behind my PG was falling from a height of 4 feet which was joining our closed drains.

After a while, Tanuja “Go crazy on rain” kinda gal came to terrace. I wanted the rain to pour, but it played hide & seek. It was on for a while & then off. I was in terrace. It must have just poured :(

It’s my very first rain shower in the year… ;)

At times “Let your eyes do some raining if you are ever gonna grow….”

May you live all the days of your life…

At times I feel so disturbed, just can’t control my emotions and wanna run somewhere. Though I believe “whenever you are afraid of something round the corner never runaway from it, always face it with your brave heart”. Something was hurting me deep inside. I actually wasn’t able to figure-out exactly the thing which was distracting my thoughts. I decided to go home the only place which isolates me from regular baseless fears & soul interrupting thoughts to an extent.

I was honestly planning from last week of last month and coz of my interviews it was delayed till 29th April. Finally after attending an interview I have decided to go home what so ever is gonna happen and booked my ticket.

To be honest till now I haven't been excited about my B’day & never felt my B’day is something special. It’s been just an ordinary day in calendar like every other day. Especially from past three years I have spent my B’days alone. As it lies on public holiday half of Bangalore will be empty and half of PG too-a special holiday for me/everyone in the name of my B’day ;) How I wish I must be some great celebrity. I used to watch a movie which was taken in a single shot, no rehearsal at all. Movie of my own life, incidents, characters, circumstances and end results coz everything used to flash before my eyes. I always used to think about what have I achieved last year!!!

No man how can I forget I have shared (I prefer to say sharing instead of celebrating) my B’day in 2007 with Satya- a close friend of mine @ her sister’s place. I think I am catching up with age ;) Hema akka prepared obbattu for me and we went to watch years block buster movie “Mungaru male” that was Gagan’s choice. Gagan- Satya’s nephew I doubt what has moved him so badly to watch that movie for three times as he hardly can understand the storyline of the movie as he was just 4 years old. His fav scene! When the character Devdas (Rabbit) dies in the movie, I think even many others fav as well. Eventually we went to meet Gani in evening. Though I do something constructive or not on that particular day I will definitely meet him at least to give some gaali’s if not to pray.

Fortunately I was at home this time. Me lying in terrace under sky-stars-moon. As time has just hit 0000hrs on 1st May I said “Happy B’day Viddu” of-course the first person to wish me ;) which I have ever done earlier at all. I don't want to merely exist! I want my “Soul to sing, Heart to dance, Spirits to flourish, Thoughts to rejunuvate...that's living. I want to be truly alive” was my B’day wish. No clue I was quite content stepping into another year unlike being a cynic like past years. Morning I woke up by Emu’s (Hema) call @ 0007 hrs. A cousin of mine, I actually can say she is no less than my own siblings. Though much younger to me she easily can read my heart. Whatever I ask for she will execute it, I always can count on her. Fallowed by two more calls from my sweetheart (Siri) and Madhu-a cousin. I got three B’day SMS from friends Vaishali, Soumya and Suvarana.

Naga and Keshi cousins of mine @ home wished me. One of the cutest wish of the day was my little Lalli’s (my niece) “Attha! Aapy Batheday fallowed by paathi” which Naga taught her that is all she can pronounce as she is just 2 year old. She actually meant “Attha! Happy B’day & she need party”. I still didn’t receive any wishes from my Mom was wondering did she forget??? Even if she forgets I will never mind, I know she is so pre-occupied with limitless thoughts. I only realized when she was busy in making sweets for me.

I just was wondering it’s been so long that I was @ home on my B’days. I have not shared my B’day with Mom from past 7 yrs coz Mom moved to village when I was pursuing my 2nd year of Engineering, with Siri for 4 yrs now and with Purshi (my bro) for 8 yrs now coz his extra curricular activities occupied much priority than regular studies that was time Dad pulled him out from college and put him into fields. However I wasn’t able to figure-out when was the last time I was with Dad on my B’day what a sick female I must be!!! Though a single hour doesn’t slip away from my life without having a thought about him. Even this time Dad was out of town for day or so :( But he was at home @ 1030 hrs and bought sweets for me. Maalpuri and Anjoor Burfi! Gulbarga’s special items.

Took shower and after regular ritual of pooja, Mom-Dad blessed me to have Good health, wealth, intellect & peace-which I really need it. Me, Mom, and Lalli went to Maa Kaali’s temple.

A thought waved in my brilliant brain to cook something. Initially mom was slightly worried am I gonna make it or not. I think she was quite sure it’s gonna be a mess and then she will be the one to fix it. I got into the field ‘kitchen field’ with the mission to prepare Kesaribath, Gulab Jamoon, and pakoda/i’s. I have spent most of the day in kitchen coz the only place where I can find mom & I wanted to spend my time with her. Very much unlike to my routine life coz I am the damsel who starts day with comp & ends day with comp.Treated Gani with Kesaribath & me with Gulab Jamoon, and Pakoda/i’s and of-course others as well @ home. Gulab Jamoon was out of this world and Pakoda/i’s were so delicious & crispy. I actually was wondering how it came-out so well which was out of my imagination. Even Kesaribath was quite good I am not bragging, you guys can verify with Gani, Gani plz tell them!!! However I honestly confess Mom helped me to an extent.

All I was missing very badly was Siri. Even she wanted to spend time with me. I couldn’t make it on time coz my interviews kept postponing; she left to her in-laws place the day I left Bangalore, I understand gals will have many more commitments after marriage. However I don’t expect anything from anyone I was missing her gift-one of my fav, she used to present me on my B’days a dress of-course that will be my B’day dress and lump-sum for partying with friends.

End of the day Mom handed me the gift Siri had left for me that was cash prize of Rs.3000/- and she did leave a message saying she did not find time buy a dress. Mom’s gift Rs.1500/- and Purshi’s gift Rs.2000/-.

Once I reached Bangalore, I received calls from Rani,Teena, Satya, Prathima & Ashraf. Rani a close buddy of mine, she was always there for me when I was in great depression. Teena a close friend however I always found sister in her & to whom I am very much attached emotionally. Ashraf college buddy we share a common B'day ;) I learnt that I got 2 mails wishing me on my B’day from Shashi and Gowri-Vijay and 5 scraps in orkut from Manju, Renuka, Lavanya, Saurabh and Rani.

Last but not least belated wishes from my darlings/Roomies/friends cum Jaani Dushmans Poori and Sukanya. I was gifted with kurtha and one of best novel which I was so desperately looking for quite a long time i.e., “Like the flowing river –Thoughts & Reflections” by Paulo coelho.

Thanks to one and all. A heart felt sorry for those who couldn’t reach me as my mobile was not under network coverage area.

Most simple yet most memorable B’day of mine. Apart from all celebrations, wishes & gifts I shared my B’day with my blog which is a just a perfect mirror image of mine :)

The other side of intrepid lady...

The intrepid lady here is undoubtedly me. The Incident happened on 10th April which proved even I am one among "Seedi Saadi si Bharatiya so called Nazook girls".I mean Pukleshi - Darpok ladki hoon. I was chatting with a friend of mine and all of a sudden power went off coz of short circuit in the building at around 2030 hrs. All I was worried about was my comp as intense sparks came from spike board. However I was quite certain that no damage I mean apparent one might have occurred to my comp coz monitor was gazing at me & vice-versa. I don’t wish see any harm happening to it coz it has equally gone thro’ all the phases as I had. I just put the system off and sat in my balcony waiting restlessly for power to come nevertheless a wife waiting for her husband to return from work. Guys don’t expect! it’s been ruled out from “Marriage geeta”. “Marriage Geeta” just like “Bhagavad Geeta”. Now-a-days it’s pretty hard to wait for someone to return home as everyone is running out of time such a busy life u see ;)

Soon I learnt that there was a power fluctuation at the electric pole and I could see the flames coming out of street light. Few mins later even street light was deceased leaving behind pungent odor as cables were parched.

I realized that there is no point in waiting and informed Latha our cashier in the PG. Too high fundoo PG u know we have collection dept, super-vision dept means supervisor, yet there is no warden… whatever ! They tried calling KEB guys couple of times as expected there won’t be any response from them. I really doubt will Govt ever be reachable to help for ordinary people in our country. I was left with a candle light for the rest of the night. As I stay in top floor(2nd), plywood partition room, Ceramic tiles pretty hot unlike marbles, no ventilator at all, one control switch for two fans with high speed & no regulator- so all time with Full speed fans - full noise else Zero speed fans – Zero noise choice is ours it’s almost like Indra Bhavan (Lord Indra’s palace). Lambi kahani - almost a great epic. The only reason to opt such room was slightly spacious among all coz I really got enough junk I mean luggage ;) and imagine
Junk * 3 (Junk * 3 = Mine, Poori’s, Sukanya’s) couldn’t fit them in other rooms. Even we were running short of time to search for better place and our only prerequisite was it must be in koramangala.

Aur Huzoor “kuch paane ke liye kuch khona padta hai”…

Me and Poori finished candle light dinner coz power didn’t turn-up even when needles in clock crossed 2200 hrs. We were getting baked up in our room coz more or less it resembles oven. I was worried how to sleep when I wasn’t able to stay for few mins without fan. Then I suggested her how about resting in terrace?

Poori: Don’t you think it’s risky..??
Me: In life-once in a while we need to take risks, worry only about which one is worth taking ;)

She was slightly worried initially & then she agreed. So far none has taken such an audacious decision of sleeping in terrace that too in a city like Bangalore & area like Koramangala coz its better known to be Kollemangala as most of the robbery will happen here at-least once in fortnight and Sollemanagala hometown for Mosquitoes.
Koramangala - Most happening place in Bangalore.

We were getting ready with our Bedspreads, Pillows, Mobiles and Mp4 player.

Poori: Shall we remove all valuable gold Jewelry’s Neck chain, Rings both Fingers & Ears?
Me: Your life is much more precious than these ornaments could ever be. If incase any thief attacks us touchwood! in midnight at-least we can rescue our lives by offering jewelry to s/he.

She was expressionless for a moment and then with a broad smile we started our way to terrace. I wonder if she was amazed by my thought ;) I am sure she would have got shattered.

Once we reached terrace we were slightly scared coz it was pitch dark and our PG is located next to BDA’s vacant property. The only jungle I saw in Bangalore other than IISC. After spreading bedspreads and pillows on floor, we were lying under the sky-stars-moon, natural A/C ;) weather was awesome. Only thing missing was music… We turned-on the Mp4 player Poori put one earphone into my ear and other into hers with song Falak tak chal saath chal fallowed by Jaadu hai nasha hai, Kabhi shaam dhale to mere dil mein aa jaana, Hum tumse na kuch keha paaye… so on so forth….. Moon was much delightful than usual one, tried to capture in camera but it wasn’t lucid and to our shock one star was appearing next to moon which wasn’t visible to bare eyes.

All of a sudden a thought triggered in my mind to have a weapon on a safer side incase anyone assaults us! as we both do not know karate, not even to slap. However I got one weapon which can save two lives for the night that was half broken red brick which was lying in the terrace lazy bugger to come down and carry a knife. I kept the brick next to me to my right.

Poori: Do you think it will workout?
Me: Why not?
Poori: If someone attacks me and incase if you are in deep sleep and get confused whom u r hitting?
Me: Not to worry. In either case we will be safe.
Poori: How so?
Me: As it's just a brick that too half broken none will die. Slightly will get hurt that’s it. In either case you will scream, if I hit the thief s/he will get hurt and we will runaway and incase if I hit you – you will scream beyond your usual tone level and s/he will runaway or someone will come to rescue us. How is it?
Poori: “Dirty stare-smile-get lost” assorted expressions.

Our kumba karni (only for sleep) landed in her dreamland when time just hit 2315 hrs. As usual me gazing at the sky. It was around 2330 hrs water was falling in syntex tank cashier forgot to put off the motor when power went off (she will on and off the motor apart from collecting rent). I thought power has come and even confirmed with Soumya but then lethargy in me said stay back.

All of a sudden I heard the footsteps on iron staircase and I was quite sure someone was coming up. My mind was spinning and I was keeping an eye on my brick. As I turned to my left I saw Niharika – next door girl in PG. Actually she got tensed looking at us. None dared to rest in terrace as anyone can directly reach terrace without interrupting anyone inside the building- staircase is totally isolated from entrance doors and we even don’t have security guard.

She wore pencil heeled sandals and was talking over the phone. Terrace was the private place for most of the girls. Only thing which got my nerves was she was circling us and talking over the phone, her Tuk-Tuk footsteps irritated me. I don’t mind if she can accommodate herself to some corner do whatever she wants. I really didn’t understand her intention…As people get more & more exposed to outer world I think their basic C-senses will blackout.

It was around 0030 hrs and I could not withhold the chilliness and started shivering and I decided to get back to room. To my luck Poori got up for first call very unusual thing to happen. We are back on our way to our room. Stairs are too narrow if u miss one
“seeda neeche then seeda upar…” something like “living life on the edge”. First hitting yourself hard against ground and then direct ticket to life after death.

“The only way to go is up when you are deep down”…. ;)

When we came down we learnt that there was no power for half portion of second floor I mean for three rooms including ours… :( totally-completely baked up all-night in the oven, Poori snoozing in oven too I doubt “Bhagvan ne use kis mitti se banaya hai”. Last instant I remembered b4 I got into sleep was needles in the clock hitting 0430 hrs.

Next day when I woke up in the morning I learnt that my comp was much safe and sound :)