I wished a complete makeover of my own self after a break, analyzing ever rambling thoughts of mine however upshot is I am so uncertain about things which are pretty much certain.
I have become more and more workaholic for no reason, may be to liberate the throbbing thoughts of past as they were too gridlocked or my work demands terrible commitment or is it an individual decision to prove something & to separate self from the rest of the pack. I also wonder why is it that difficult to Forget the past and Embrace the new.
My thoughts are utterly occupied with Work–Supervisors (Technical & Non-Technical)-Meetings-Colleagues-Customers–Appreciations–Escalations-Blame game-Corporate politics-Performance–Injustice. In-touch with reality I know, No job is worth selling your soul coz Its Nothing Personal, It’s Just a Business and I should know where to draw the line, yet I hurt my heart offering it a considerable pain when things refuse to go my way.
Despite no breathing space, there is an eerie silence in my world these days. I find myself switching my Comp even after working more than 13 -14 hrs a day which also involves almost every week-end and music just to fill the background. I am not trying to recapture that time I have lost and I actually am willing to cherish that chapter in my career and move on with no regrets. I know down deep this is the time to make a move & accept uncertainty as a fact of life. But I am ignoring it and I hang on for a number of understandable reasons, may be coz of repeated efforts to solve the problem has failed, I face the tough choice.
Ultimately I have emerged as a laboratory for breaking the obstacles which are absolute limitless evils yet many a times I suspect on my own confidence coz at times my tears speaks a lot with my pillow answering an unspoken query. My hopes gets scattered and I gather all my nothing-to-lose courage to act on destructive whims.
Life is funny is not it? just when you think you have got it all figured it out, just when you finally begin to plan something, get excited about it and feel like the direction you are heading in is safe and on-track, the paths will change, signs will change, the wind blows other way, north is suddenly south, east is west and you are lost again.
Life deals each one of us with a different set of cards and out of all there is no doubt that each one of us believes that we have received the toughest hand of all.
The bottom line is that you cannot mathematically model human nature, but you can certainly model human behavior based on history, because history will repeat itself again and again and I am lost again.....Yes; Game is definitely not over of-course involved with too many game-changing events - unquestionably its a tough bet!
