Quarter-life Crisis

Being in twenties - Something...Isn't it...?

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. I thought its worth sharing this with twenty-something friends out there... maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion...

We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."

one of the best mail I have recieved in recent times.... Thanks to my friend Anandswamy for sharing such a wonderful stuff...

Argument within Myself in classroom @ College…..

There are many occasions (it’s very much untrue-almost all occasions I believe) during a lecture, when the brain ceases to accept new information, and refuses to co-operate with your better judgment e.g:
Me: "Please listen to this lecture."
Brain: "No."
Me: "Please, it's very important."
Brain: "NO."
Me: It gets u a good job and lets u earn big-money.
Brain: I don’t need, I am not greedy.
Me: One Last attempt…?
Brain: I need break, I can’t take it anymore…..
Me: Okay…I understand, u can play games without distracting toffee-nosed note-scribbling scum-bag party-poopers who do not wish to play or who are in no need of an increase in brain activity and specially lecturer.

Lecturer

The only person in the classroom who is so single mindedly devoted in justifying his/her work without getting distracted what’s so ever happens in the classroom. Nothing bothers them even when paper rockets flew in classroom, boys blow the whistles "not exactly even girls do it exceptionally fine", mobile ring tones, fingers tapping against bench as good as Zakir Hussain playing tabala etc etc…

Students attending lectures will have at least one book and a pen. The application of the one on the other is, usually………., which then indicated to me that using them was the best course of action. Sri was my co-player most of the time,the other three(Gowri,Prathima & Shaila) were kind of pukleshi's(Darpok's)... we pancha pandava's sorry pandavi's were lords of last benches...
When we used to play these games, did our best not to attract the attention of the lecturer.
Required Items:
· Pen/Pencil & Paper
· An ounce of intelligence -- err, two ounces of intelligence

Noughts and Crosses:
Played on a three by three grid, both players take it in turn to place their mark (a nought or a cross) in an attempt to get three in a row.

Alphabetic Variation of Noughts and Crosses:
Each player takes a turn to place a letter of the alphabet in the n*n grid, in an attempt to make a word. And each player scores points as per number of letters in the word formed (meaningful)
Squares/Boxes:
Players take turns to draw a horizontal or vertical line from one adjacent dot to another in an attempt to complete a square. When a square is drawn, the player writes their initial inside it to 'capture' it, and must then take another go. The player that makes the most captures wins the game.
Have you ever discovered this kind argument within yourself…? I am sure u would have… ;)

Last page of my notebook ….

Whenever any thought came into my mind,

I wrote it on the Last page of my notebook….

Whenever the lectures were boring,

I played games, used to draw pictures

on the Last page of my notebook….

When I was angry with anyone and wanted to flood my anger,
I used the Last page of my notebook…..

When I discovered I was getting emotionally down,

I shared my thoughts with the Last page of my notebook…..

When I was really wrong, and I wanted to confess it to someone,
I told about it to Last page of my notebook…..

When I wanted not to forget some points taught by my teacher,
I discussed it with Last page of my notebook….

When I wanted to remember important dates (exam dates),
I used the Last page of my notebook….

When I encountered an argument within myself,
I argued it with Last page of my notebook….

I discovered Still many things are there to be written
on the Last page of my notebook….

Whatever my hand scribbled it became a beautiful art.....isn’t it…?


On the First page of my notebook I used to depict a tree… don’t know why? :)

My own theory about digestive system…

I was too young, had no idea about the functioning of human body. One day all of sudden I came up with question asking my mom “What I eat everyday will be stored in my stomach right then Why do I feel hungry every one hour??? U guys thinking every one hour??? :) Too much right!!! If you have kids, your own or others around you, you will not come up with this doubt at all. Coz they only eat junk that either keeps stomach full or produces essential energy to body. She told me it will get digested. Then my next question was “digested”? How? ….

Trust me kids are exceptionally brilliant in knowing Whys? Where? When? What? My mom ignored me saying you are one mini question bank, even today I ask so many questions till I arrive with valid solution. But the only difference is I am called giant question bank.

Then my next target was Dad, he was quite busy with his farm work he did not have time for me. Uncles- Aunts, Grandpa-Granny no one had time.

Then my last hope was my sister, brother and cousins, though I was sure they may not clear my doubt. They too ignored me saying it’s beyond your understandings. Then I confirmed that day that they don’t have brains at all coz they never answered my questions earlier too.

I began exploring a theoretical fantasy world of my own. May be coz I had such an affinity for the imaginary just because I was so single-mindedly devoted in finding the truth. Where the wild things started cooking up in my petite brain…. :)

Children learn, more or less, by creating theories and then testing them out in the real world but as we grow older, our fantasizing becomes constrained by the practical demands of ordinary life :). It’s certainly an interesting one; coz kid’s imagination is not constrained by probability and practicality.

Stone grinders (huge mortars) and rolling pestles are used to grind the rice and other food items. A mortar is a bowl shaped container made of a hard wood, marble, pottery, or stone. The pestle is a bat shaped tool that is used to grind inside the mortar (bowl) and pulverize grains, herbs, and other food substances as well as medicines.

Wondering why am I giving explanation about stone grinders now?

Finally I came up with my fantasy theory of Digestive system. A lady with stone grinder is sitting in my stomach. She grinds all the food I eat. No worry I didn’t get the doubts of

1. How a lady with stone grinder inside stomach? coz I thought it will be in very tiny size as I was, so that both can embed in my stomach.
2. Why only woman not man? Coz I saw only mom doing kitchen work. :)
Ladies were normally dedicated to kitchen…. No worry gals Not any more…..

I strongly believed in my own theory till I studied Digestive system in my 4th standard.
My teacher Mr. Desai Kumar utterly proved me wrong.

One more fantasy I remember is once I ate grapes along with its seeds. I thought grape tree will cultivate in my stomach and its branches will come out of my head. Oh my god…

When I told about my childhood fantasies to my friends they were laughing their heads off. No one ever fantasized like this it seems. I said they never utilized their brains at all.

Small request to all parents and would-be parents out there, give more or less sensible explanation to your little sweethearts else they will come up with ideas as

“Vidya’s law of digestive system sounds as good as Newton’s laws of motion” right!!

Mr. R – Man of my dreams.

Marriage is to make the biggest decision in your life. If you don't like the job, all you need is a one or two months notice. If u doesn’t like friendship with someone, u just need to avoid him/her. But marriage? They will be united for the rest of their life today with three ties of mangalsutra... Everyone marries thinking that - I am going to spend the rest of my life with the other person I chose. Sometimes in extreme situations, you take extreme measures. No one ever married in this world thinking they can always upgrade if they didn't like and then there is no return policy. But the one where dad meets pa-in-law, mom meets ma-in-law and they all fall in love, decide that the kids should fall in love too.

My peaceful spinster life occasionally goes through all the turmoil and storms when I encounter some relatives who start putting so much pressure on me to get married and my parents get brain washed very easily.

Somehow I get nervous, irritated, frustrated, heart begins pounding so fast I can literally hear its beats, brains cells starts bombarding in nano sec speed, I almost get fainted oh my god very difficult to portray my feelings when my family members come up with this topic. (Especially Siri my sister of course my ever best friend- I call her fitting master coz somehow I can manage my parents but not her!!!) Marriage is serious business u need to commit with someone stranger your entire life……????????!!!!!!!!!!! I always refuse them saying I am not prepared yet. They say what’s there to prepare…???C’mon man how do I explain them!! I think Life transitions require change and often we are not prepared for our reactions to them. Let it be. Hope time will give solution to their query.

Long time ago me and Poori (a good friend of mine) was discussing about this topic “Life with stranger”. I believe every girl analyze about this. Only thing is few come up with better analogy and I am glad that I got an opportunity to express too. She was telling about her pre-requisites about marriage and the guy. When I was creating my list of things I wanted in a partner, it hadn’t crossed my mind that I was creating a man who was totally out of league.
Anyways here are the qualities of MR. Right- Man of my dreams,

1. Very caring as in eyelid shields its eye when ever it finds even tiny dust particles are gonna hurt its eyes.
2. Responsible – He should be able to hold himself responsible instead of blaming others when unpleasant events which unexpectedly strikes in life.
3. Responsibility – should voluntarily come forward to take up responsibility and go out of his way to help others.
4. Mutual respect and mutual interest towards my family.Must get along with people I love.
5. Loves me for what/whom I am.
6. He should be emotional but strong and can stand up and easily handle my condition and sporadic moods.
7. He should feel even my career is equally important as his.
8. Damn intelligent -Technically should dominate me.
9. Should join me in every step of life through thin and thick.
10. Adore my values, beliefs, thoughts.

How I wish it should not to be pretty difficult to score high on this test, because I am a picky girl, so I wish you the best of luck Dear (Man of my dreams)!

Somehow I can compromise with all the above except point number 6,8 and 10…. :(

Mr. R – Man of their daughter as per parents

1.How qualified/settled the person is?
2.How many siblings does he have?
3.He drinks?
4.He smokes? Blah blah I feel so illogical….

The freedom of spinster life is too precious to lose so early. So the single life is the life I’m doomed to for now :)

Chasing My Life Dreams….Traveled miles away in my thoughts…..

Imagining my future, to carve out my identity in this new world on both a personal and professional level I landed up in Bangalore on 2nd of July 2005. The past three years of my life was going in an insane plan in so many ways.

Being wrapped up in the promise of lofty hopes and aspirations for “tomorrow” and moving around in one of my favorite worlds, streets of koramangala I found myself contemplating my own dreams for the future and recalling the hopes and dreams which have led to the present day.We spend a good deal of our lives in the quest to attain our goals and dreams… our dream job… our dream house… our dream relationship… our dream everything. What we often fail to consider is what it means to attain a dream and what it feels like to actually get there.

“Dream” is an ideal, and sometimes intoxicating, vision of something inherently imperfect in reality. I found that the attainment of a dream either brings unexpected complication to life or signifies the beginning of a new journey. Dreams don’t often live up to our internalized hype, which explains the reasoning behind the notion that the journey is the destination.



As I sat on my terrace at PG on Friday night overlooking at my past, I encountered the type of pause in life were it all starts to hit me. I thought of many of my experiences over the years during many different stages of my life. I recalled the hopes and dreams that have come and gone through each chapter of my life. I thought about the people in my life who have come and gone, some who I will never have the pleasure to speak with again. I thought about experiences from my past which only exist in the time capsule of my mind.

I am chasing for my Life dreams from 1267 days(3 years-6months-18 days), I am tired I just want to take rest. Confer rest to my mind, bestow peace to my soul. I cry a lot all these days, may be because of unpleasant experiences. I just feel I am lost, all alone in the midst of the ocean. I know that Life has ups and downs and that we have to accept that. But its gotten to a point where I am so far in a hole that I can no longer see the light….I don’t know what to do anymore…

I kept chasing, but my thoughts kept racing….
Chasing life’s dreams

Amazing poems by - Sri Chinmoy

Found none…
I was happy,
Solving problems of divine,
I was pacified with shinning eyes,
Grace and mercy!
They promised to me,
And I kept solving the problems of divine.

One day tired I took some rest,
Half of grace was running away,
Promises broke &I stood still,
watching the play.

Next morning I woke,
With problems making their way,
To hold my collar & my bay,
I searched all around,
To find one, but found none,
Who could have heard, what I wanted to say!

Anger & Frustration
Anger's the worst enemy of mine which every now and then forces me towards impulsive actions, which sometimes prove fatal for others and most of the time for me. This word, generally tries to dominate me when someone attacks my ego or my principles, my values. Frustration's something, I come to know about, whenever it tries to attack me, and mostly gets defeated. In maximum of the cases, it attacks me when my actions and values are contradicting each other and both are justified, anyways values win.The thing that both of them share is, both are too powerful and I have to work my best to get over them, before they get over my nerves. And, even after victory they leave me tired, but at the same time leave me much more immune towards them.

Between Nothingness and Eternity
Barren of events,
Rich in pretensions
My earthly life.

Obscurity
My real name.

Wholly unto myself
I exist.

I wrap no soul
In my embrace.

No mentor worthy
Of my calibre
Have I.

I am all alone
Between failure
And frustration.

I am the red thread
Between
Nothingness
And Eternity.

I Have Nothing

I have nothing.

I have nothing to show or tell.

I have no spirituality, no worship.

No meditation, no adoration, nothing.

Only around me are inner pangs and frustration,

Dust, clay and ash.

I am satisfied with the world of matter and desire.

I am compelled to be satisfied with little, very little.

I have nothing.

A Little Hope

A little desire ends not in vain.

A little hope ends not in vain.

Heart's love is not a meaningless,

contemptible thing.

May my life blossom

With a fulfilling beauty

And a fulfilling fragrance-flavour.

Lo, I behold Your Boat.

My new life has dawned.

Mother, when I go away

Mother, when I go away

Being angry with You,

Without telling You,

Will You look for me?

I know I shall tremble in fear

If I look behind and see

That You are running after me

To catch me with Your Heart's

Endless Affection-Compassion-Love.

If you call me,

I know, Mother,

I shall have to surrender to You.

If You smile, Your Smile will compel me

To return to You.

My Hope carries me

Far, very far, into the world of the farthest beyond

My hope carries me and places me

On the sweetest lap of the unknown.

There I behold my Self-form

In the Dance-Delight of the Absolute.

In the Heart of Everyone

O Lord, to see You in the heart of everyone,
I the traveller am alone walking along the road of Eternity.

The flowers that drop before they are blossomed
have become my friends.
I know not what is written on my forehead.
No matter if my life ends like a flower before it is blossomed
or my life ends before I have seen Your Feet,
I know I shall always bow to You.

At the End of the sorrowful night

At the end of the sorrowful night

Truth appears and smilingly says,

"Beloved, fear no more.

"Piercing the veil of smile

Tear appears and says,

"Forget not, I am eternally unconquerable."